5 types of dudes i’ve encountered on dating sites

Due to the fact that it’s 2015, I am not ashamed to publicly announce that I have dabbled in the wondrous world of online dating.  At this point, if you are a single person between the ages of 18 and 28 and haven’t at least had a Tinder account for two hours as a joke, you are probably an alien doing a poor job of fitting in with human society.

There are a great number of benefits to meeting people online, such as the potential to be exposed to people you probably wouldn’t have met otherwise.  For me, a huge benefit is the lack of initial face-to-face interaction.  I am absolutely horrible at face-to-face interaction with new people.  I get all anxious and my brain goes blank.  I end up either coming off as unsociable and unfriendly, or else I start babbling word vomit and tell the hilarious but inappropriate story of the time I got really drunk and puked on one of my best friends while we were sleeping in my bed (sorry, Brittany).  Through text, I am able to thoughtfully compose replies and edit as I see fit, thus enabling me to present myself as charming, articulate, and humorous, which is only sort of lying.  Then, if I actually end up meeting the person in real life, they will still think I am charming and hilarious, no matter how many puke stories I tell (I have a collection, you see).

One of the downsides of online dating is that it often tests your faith in the male population, if not humanity as a whole.  Don’t get me wrong; I’ve absolutely met some nice people online, and even the ones that didn’t work out were due more to a lack of conversational compatibility than anything (or they didn’t have anything more compelling to say than “hey watsup” and “lol”).  But, I’ve had more than enough…um…interesting experiences to make signing into my online profiles an emotionally exhausting endeavour.  What will happen today?  Will I be sexually harassed?  Negged?  Propositioned and subsequently insulted by a man old enough to be my father?  Bombarded by a myriad of white guys holding up dead fish?  Every swipe, click, and/or tap is truly an adventure!

So, without further ado, I invite you to follow me into the realm of fuckboys, douches, man-babies, and custy old dudes, if you dare.

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