an open letter to the human embodiment of a yeast infection

Dear human embodiment of a yeast infection,

Coming home after a long day at work to a party that isn’t yours is rarely ideal, and this particular Friday evening was no exception.  I arrived home from my shift selling mediocre vegan food to find my house filled with strangers.  I’d had enough interacting with strangers for one evening, so I promptly shut myself in my bedroom, ready to enjoy a wild night of folding laundry.

Continue reading “an open letter to the human embodiment of a yeast infection”

the most awkward date ever

About a year ago, while hanging out with a friend of a friend, I was complaining about how emotionally exhausted I was by online dating and seeking romance in general.  She mentioned how she’d been speaking to a couple guys herself, and that she’d be happy to pass one along to me.  She gave me the guy’s number and let him know someone would be contacting him.  Thus began one of the most confusing experiences of my life.

Continue reading “the most awkward date ever”

letters to my younger selves

Sometimes even I need a break from feminist rants and the horrors of the world.  Shocking, I know.  So, in light of this, I thought I’d copy the idea of a much greater blogger than I: Allie of Hyperbole and a Half.  In her 2013 book of the same name, one of the segments consists of her writing letters to her past selves of various ages to question their decisions and to offer advice.  It is hilarious.  Go read it now.

In the same vein, I thought I would also write letters to Past Sam, because Past Sam was pretty dumb and I question her motivations every day.  Not to say that Present Sam isn’t also kind of dumb, but I digress…

Continue reading “letters to my younger selves”

adventures with leather pants, part III: the pants today

Ladies and gentlemen!  I have an announcement, for which I know you have all been waiting with bated breath:

My leather pants, the pants that started it all, officially fit my body once again.

Stylishly modelling my pants with my modelling partner, Rocky.
Styled here with on-trend baggy sweater, leopard-print socks, and small, simple-minded dog.

I don’t have to suck in to do them up, I can breathe, and there will be no lacerations should I decide to sit down.  I will now be able to resume my dream of appearing to be a dominatrix biker-chick.  Can you hear the Hallelujah chorus? Continue reading “adventures with leather pants, part III: the pants today”

adventures with leather pants, part II: an observation

To preface, I will note that I actually planned to write this back in March, shortly after the first post.  However, for reasons you may or may not remember from that other thing I wrote, I obviously did not.  Thus, I will say that time has likely muddled my memories slightly, but the general happenings did happen and the message still rings true.  And now, back to our story…

Last time on the Leather Pants Saga, after realizing that I had become too fat to wear my leather pants properly, I proceeded to spend the evening wearing my pants secretly unbuttoned.  My stomach made it through the night free and unscathed, and I looked super awesome in my pants.

On this particular night, my lovely Edinburgh flatmate and I were attending a gathering at a friend’s place.  Like many such nights, the plan was to hang out and pre-drink at the friend’s and then move on to a bar/club.  However, I was sick with a cold, and my flatmate had to be up early the next morning, and we were both hella broke, so we were not planning to join our friends for the bar portion of the night.  There were about 15 people at the gathering, and we knew most of them, so all was fine and dandy. Continue reading “adventures with leather pants, part II: an observation”

procrastination

So, you might have noticed that I haven’t posted anything in a while.  Or, you know, maybe you haven’t noticed at all, but in order for this intro to work, let’s say you did.  The thing is, I actually began composing this post a while ago.  It originally started like this:

“Essay and exam season is upon us once again.  For some, this means long hours dedicated to vigorous research, emails to professors, and writing detailed outlines, culminating in a sparkling paper that should evoke great pride and (hopefully) top marks.  For others, a great deal of time is spent staring at blank Word documents, the days ticking slowly by; it all ends with one night of combing Sparknotes and lecture slides and desperate bullshitting and cups of coffee flavoured with tears of exhaustion, culminating in a sort-of-okay paper that evokes relief and a (hopefully) passing grade.  I fall into the latter category.”

– Samantha Kim, two months ago

That clearly worked out well. Continue reading “procrastination”

adventures with leather pants: an epiphany

Hi.  This is my first blog post ever, though you probably knew that already.  You’re probably from Facebook, where you likely clicked over out of curiosity, or perhaps mild contempt.  Another chick starting a dumb blog no one is going to read*, I’m sure you’re thinking.  Fantastic.  Yeah, I know.  Why am I here, then?  Well, a few reasons.  First and foremost, I am an English major without any real direction in life (no, I don’t want to be a teacher), beyond wanting to “write”.  The only problem is, I don’t actually write very much, so I thought I should start doing that.  Secondly, I have a lot of spare time on my hands at the moment.  Thirdly, in the event that I do not have a lot of spare time on my hands in the future, this presents me with a wonderful opportunity to procrastinate my responsibilities.  And lastly, I just plain like to hear, er, read, myself talking (writing?).  I think I’m hilarious.  Fight me. Continue reading “adventures with leather pants: an epiphany”